#1 The Best Scrambled Eggs I've Ever Had
I'm only scared of getting older or dying inasmuch as it would deny me more time to see and do everything I've wanted to do during my life. I'm not scared of wrinkles or the other vain trappings of youth. I'm not scared of what happens after I die; I figure who cares at that point? I don't really believe in "Hell" and my guess is that my conscious mind will cease to exist as I know it (even if my "soul" lives on).
What I am scared of is having enough time to do the things I want, but being incapable of doing them because of sickness or disability. But again, what can you do? It's not like one can live their life to the fullest while being afraid of something that may or may not happen.
In general, I've enjoyed getting older. I've enjoyed gaining comfort in my own skin even if that skin has started to ever so slightly show wrinkles or grow gray hairs. I've enjoyed watching the smile lines in my stepmother's face become more pronounced even though I worry more now when she gets sick. I loved my Papaw's hands with their crepe-like texture and arthritis that spoke of a life of hard work yet somehow had the magical power to make the best scrambled eggs I've ever had. There were a lot of great stories in those hands. There are a lot of great stories in a many gray hairs, wrinkly faces, and knotted joints.
Our culture's aversion to the elderly or dying is a shame. By pretending these people don't exist or that their usefulness has been expended, it's as if we're omitting a key part of the human experience. Not only is that unfair to those people in terms of denying them the dignity they deserve, but it is unfair to ourselves in denying us opportunities to learn from them and perhaps prepare ourselves for the inevitability of standing in their shoes some day.
Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.
#2 Turn The Bathroom Into A War Zone
How do I feel about death? Resigned to it. It’s unavoidable. I can’t stop it, nor would I want to if I could. If you thought an 80-year old had the ability to turn the bathroom into a war zone, imagine the damage an 800-year old could do. Plus, really, my 401(k) doesn’t have the funding necessary for that long of a retirement.
Am I scared of death? Not really. I have faith. Why do people have faith? Well, let’s be realistic. We need to know that there’s something bigger and better than our physical life. The years we spend on this planet are but an ultra-microscopic speck on the fabric of time. Once we’re gone, then what? Are we merely fertilizer for the following generations, or do we ascend to a higher plane of existence? Nobody knows for sure because none of us have done it. Enter faith – the hope for something better.
Submitted by Neal Harkner. Visit his Facebook Profile.
#3 Little More Than Survival
Nope, I’m not scared, though I probably was 20 years ago. I wish I could say for sure that the shift is due to an amazing process of spiritual maturation, but last week we talked about lying... Seriously, some of its about maturing, and some of its about being tired.
My greater concern about the subject is what it has to say about our faith commitments. My doctor friend reminded me recently that about 80% of our healthcare money is spent at the end of life, trying to eeeek out a final few days, weeks or months which are often spent in little more than survival mode. I understand why people who claim no hope beyond death might fall into this, but its interesting to me how those of us who believe that physical death is just the next birth can be driven by the same anxiety.
The true meaning of the word “martyr” is to “be a witness in death.” My prayer and my goal is to have the courage to save my family a few thousand bucks by saying yes to birth rather than maintaining a strangle-hold on this existence. And I AM curious to know if and how our health-care system would be effected if all people of faith were able to choose this route.
Submitted by Wesley M. Eades, Ph.D. Visit his blog - Practical Spirituality
#4 A Sky-diving Trip With The Parachute "Mistakenly" Left Out
I will start by saying that I am not one of those people who views death as some sort of "glorious" release into the afterlife. Who are these people who can’t wait to die, just to "see what’s next"? It’s not that the idea of heaven doesn’t excite me too; but I am in no particular hurry to have my life come to an abrupt end. As a child, my mother always taught me to savor each moment in life, and to live every day to the fullest. The philosophy stuck with me, because as a result…I love life! (Mondays being the exception, of course) However, I do not fear death either.
I will accept death when the time comes, though perhaps a bit reluctantly. In our culture, we try so hard to pretend that death is some "accidental misfortune" that only afflicts some. Denial is one of the stages of death after all! Why do we fear death so much? It’s as though death is stalking us separately in the shadows…not true my friends! Death is inside us all, "from the moment we are born…" so-to-speak.
Maybe it’s because we aren’t living well. In my humble opinion, dying should just be the big finale to a well-lived life. I’ve always said that I want to go out with gusto…perhaps a sky-diving trip with the parachute "mistakenly" left out of my pack. In those final seconds (if I am fortunate enough to have them), I want to know that my life mattered, that I savored each moment, and that I did not squander my time in this fragile body. Then I can smile and say (or think)… "fine, let’s see what’s next!"
Submitted by Mr. E.
#5 Completing A Life Takes More Work
The inevitable ending...
I know, for me, the thought that once my time is over on this earth and there is no coming back is somewhat, "whoa." Am I scared? Ultimately, no. I hope that it is something that does not happen suddenly nor soon, but I can't bring myself to be afraid of something that is certain to happen; that also includes getting old. I can't stop it, it's impossible. Therefore I ask, why try? I know from my experience that worrying about the past, concentrating only on the past can keep us from experiencing the future. Just as there are amazing journeys waiting for us in our 20's and 30's, there are also exciting things waiting for us in our 50's and 60's.
Finally, there is one thing a person can experience in his or her senior days that is not available in the early days, the opportunity to say, "My life is complete." It is perhaps the ultimate accomplishment. Completing a life takes more work than building a house, creating a career or raising a family. A life is all of those in one. So if we worry about what we could have done as we go along, we can miss out on things we can do later on.
Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"
#6 Technology At Its Best
Right now, my mother’s husband is dying. Yes, I know. We’re all dying. He’s had a defibrillator for more than a dozen years. It’s gone off on numerous occasions, jolting him back to life. Each time, he’s left weak and disoriented. The defibrillator’s been replaced several times. During each replacement, it’s updated and upgraded with the latest technology. Now, the rest of his organs are failing also. He is currently in a rehab center, where he is miserable. He cannot walk and is undergoing painful physical therapy.
The defibrillator went off again last week when his heart stopped. My mom watched in horror as he was jolted back to consciousness, once again. While it sounds crass, the situation begs the questions, “What quality of life is this?” “Is this the will to live…or is this just technology at its best?”
Submitted by Toni Donaldson
I'm only scared of getting older or dying inasmuch as it would deny me more time to see and do everything I've wanted to do during my life. I'm not scared of wrinkles or the other vain trappings of youth. I'm not scared of what happens after I die; I figure who cares at that point? I don't really believe in "Hell" and my guess is that my conscious mind will cease to exist as I know it (even if my "soul" lives on).
What I am scared of is having enough time to do the things I want, but being incapable of doing them because of sickness or disability. But again, what can you do? It's not like one can live their life to the fullest while being afraid of something that may or may not happen.
In general, I've enjoyed getting older. I've enjoyed gaining comfort in my own skin even if that skin has started to ever so slightly show wrinkles or grow gray hairs. I've enjoyed watching the smile lines in my stepmother's face become more pronounced even though I worry more now when she gets sick. I loved my Papaw's hands with their crepe-like texture and arthritis that spoke of a life of hard work yet somehow had the magical power to make the best scrambled eggs I've ever had. There were a lot of great stories in those hands. There are a lot of great stories in a many gray hairs, wrinkly faces, and knotted joints.
Our culture's aversion to the elderly or dying is a shame. By pretending these people don't exist or that their usefulness has been expended, it's as if we're omitting a key part of the human experience. Not only is that unfair to those people in terms of denying them the dignity they deserve, but it is unfair to ourselves in denying us opportunities to learn from them and perhaps prepare ourselves for the inevitability of standing in their shoes some day.
Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.
#2 Turn The Bathroom Into A War Zone
How do I feel about death? Resigned to it. It’s unavoidable. I can’t stop it, nor would I want to if I could. If you thought an 80-year old had the ability to turn the bathroom into a war zone, imagine the damage an 800-year old could do. Plus, really, my 401(k) doesn’t have the funding necessary for that long of a retirement.
Am I scared of death? Not really. I have faith. Why do people have faith? Well, let’s be realistic. We need to know that there’s something bigger and better than our physical life. The years we spend on this planet are but an ultra-microscopic speck on the fabric of time. Once we’re gone, then what? Are we merely fertilizer for the following generations, or do we ascend to a higher plane of existence? Nobody knows for sure because none of us have done it. Enter faith – the hope for something better.
Submitted by Neal Harkner. Visit his Facebook Profile.
#3 Little More Than Survival
Nope, I’m not scared, though I probably was 20 years ago. I wish I could say for sure that the shift is due to an amazing process of spiritual maturation, but last week we talked about lying... Seriously, some of its about maturing, and some of its about being tired.
My greater concern about the subject is what it has to say about our faith commitments. My doctor friend reminded me recently that about 80% of our healthcare money is spent at the end of life, trying to eeeek out a final few days, weeks or months which are often spent in little more than survival mode. I understand why people who claim no hope beyond death might fall into this, but its interesting to me how those of us who believe that physical death is just the next birth can be driven by the same anxiety.
The true meaning of the word “martyr” is to “be a witness in death.” My prayer and my goal is to have the courage to save my family a few thousand bucks by saying yes to birth rather than maintaining a strangle-hold on this existence. And I AM curious to know if and how our health-care system would be effected if all people of faith were able to choose this route.
Submitted by Wesley M. Eades, Ph.D. Visit his blog - Practical Spirituality
#4 A Sky-diving Trip With The Parachute "Mistakenly" Left Out
I will start by saying that I am not one of those people who views death as some sort of "glorious" release into the afterlife. Who are these people who can’t wait to die, just to "see what’s next"? It’s not that the idea of heaven doesn’t excite me too; but I am in no particular hurry to have my life come to an abrupt end. As a child, my mother always taught me to savor each moment in life, and to live every day to the fullest. The philosophy stuck with me, because as a result…I love life! (Mondays being the exception, of course) However, I do not fear death either.
I will accept death when the time comes, though perhaps a bit reluctantly. In our culture, we try so hard to pretend that death is some "accidental misfortune" that only afflicts some. Denial is one of the stages of death after all! Why do we fear death so much? It’s as though death is stalking us separately in the shadows…not true my friends! Death is inside us all, "from the moment we are born…" so-to-speak.
Maybe it’s because we aren’t living well. In my humble opinion, dying should just be the big finale to a well-lived life. I’ve always said that I want to go out with gusto…perhaps a sky-diving trip with the parachute "mistakenly" left out of my pack. In those final seconds (if I am fortunate enough to have them), I want to know that my life mattered, that I savored each moment, and that I did not squander my time in this fragile body. Then I can smile and say (or think)… "fine, let’s see what’s next!"
Submitted by Mr. E.
#5 Completing A Life Takes More Work
The inevitable ending...
I know, for me, the thought that once my time is over on this earth and there is no coming back is somewhat, "whoa." Am I scared? Ultimately, no. I hope that it is something that does not happen suddenly nor soon, but I can't bring myself to be afraid of something that is certain to happen; that also includes getting old. I can't stop it, it's impossible. Therefore I ask, why try? I know from my experience that worrying about the past, concentrating only on the past can keep us from experiencing the future. Just as there are amazing journeys waiting for us in our 20's and 30's, there are also exciting things waiting for us in our 50's and 60's.
Finally, there is one thing a person can experience in his or her senior days that is not available in the early days, the opportunity to say, "My life is complete." It is perhaps the ultimate accomplishment. Completing a life takes more work than building a house, creating a career or raising a family. A life is all of those in one. So if we worry about what we could have done as we go along, we can miss out on things we can do later on.
Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"
#6 Technology At Its Best
Right now, my mother’s husband is dying. Yes, I know. We’re all dying. He’s had a defibrillator for more than a dozen years. It’s gone off on numerous occasions, jolting him back to life. Each time, he’s left weak and disoriented. The defibrillator’s been replaced several times. During each replacement, it’s updated and upgraded with the latest technology. Now, the rest of his organs are failing also. He is currently in a rehab center, where he is miserable. He cannot walk and is undergoing painful physical therapy.
The defibrillator went off again last week when his heart stopped. My mom watched in horror as he was jolted back to consciousness, once again. While it sounds crass, the situation begs the questions, “What quality of life is this?” “Is this the will to live…or is this just technology at its best?”
Submitted by Toni Donaldson
Great perspectives!
ReplyDeleteAmanda- I agree that we devalue the elderly or even the retired...almost as if a person's job is the measure of a person's worth. How shallow. I appreciated your personal stories of relationships with those who have touched your life, even with arthritic hands.
Neal- Faith...what a genuine and concise way to describe such a complex idea.
Wes- I have not thought about the term 'martyr' in this context. Very interesting...thank you for providing this perspective.
Mr. E (or is it Mystery?) :) I laugh in the face of death...well, I laughed while reading your post. Very honest. Your positive attitude and love for life is evident...so far so good! :)
Damian- As I am nearing my 30th birthday, I have become more aware of my 'time' on Earth. As a very goal-oriented person, I was reminded by your post that our greatest achievement is our life in totality, and life after 60 counts just as much as life before 60. Thanks.
Toni- WOW! Great post. I love that you ended it with a question for us, your audience. So in response to your question, I believe you have hit the nail on the head. Is life about quantity: quantity of things, quantity of years, quantity of accomplishments, quantity of money? Or is life about quality: quality time with our family and friends, quality of our presence in the lives of those we love, quality of experience of the simple gift of life itself? If I had to choose, as much as I like the comforts of life, I would have to choose the quality of life.
Thank you all for your enlightening perspectives! Thank you, Jason, for providing this vehicle to discuss topics such as this one.
Mr. E: Are you saying you want someone to remove your parachute without your knowledge when you get old and senile? Or are you saying you might just remove it on purp, err..."accident"?
ReplyDelete-------
Personally, I am most concerned with the disrespect shown to the elderly, infirm and disabled... When I was young, I remember helping take care of my aunt - who lived with Cerebral Palsy all her life (worsening with age). By the time I was born, her words were barely intelligible by others (except for family that took the time to listen VERY closely). But even then, every one of my family members, including me - at one point - just flat out disrespected her. I hate that.
In the future, I hope that I (and anyone who participates in the care of my parents and grandparents) show them the respect they are due.
Jason: I have to agree with your concern. I remember when I was growing I had a step family with whom I was never quite in sync. In particular, my step-father's grandmother was a lady who's personality never really meshed well with that of my sister, cousins, and of my own. All she ever did was be kind to us and treat us as her own grand children, but we rarely bestowed an equal, countering amount of respect in return. Later on, when she passed, we stood there in the funeral sharing stories about her kindness, love and respect she always showed to each of us. This blog conversation makes me wonder why we were unable to reminisce about her character while she was alive instead of waiting until she let us.
ReplyDeleteI believe one reason why there seems to be a lack of respect for the elderly is because the cultural differences between generations tend to become greater and greater as society progresses.
Brandi: I believe I too am thinking more about my time on this earth. Not because I want to try and live life now in an attempt to avoid a mid-life crisis, but because I strongly believe that I am currently going through a quarter-life crisis - thank you John Mayer for that lyric.
Jason your concern here melds with last week's subject on lying for me. My grandparents now live with my parents because my grandmother has advanced dimensia. She is ninety years old and now doesn't understand who the people are around her. She thinks her husband might be her dad, and my mom might be her sister. She's not too sure. And she's always wanting to go home - to her childhood home. A lot of people would think it was easier to lie to her and tell her that so-n-so (someone she's looking for who is now dead) is on their way or whatever, hoping that she'll forget what you said in the next few minutes. But my mom said she just can't do it. She tells my grandmother the truth over and over in the most loving way possible. And in that, i think she shows my grandmother a great respect.
ReplyDelete